'Tis the Season to be Jolly! Fa La La La La

Hubby has breakfast every Saturday morning with a good friend.  This morning he came back with our Christmas tree!  Yay!  It smells wonderful!

I'll have to get my son to go up in the attic to bring down our decorations.  I really enjoy decorating the tree. It's a good thing too since I'm the one who does the majority of it.   We have a tradition of each of us putting our "special" ornament on first.  We take pictures...which look the same every year.  : )

We don't have a lot of tradions related to Christmas.  Each Christmas Eve my mother has a party which is always a lot of fun.  After the guests leave the whole family opens presents from each other.  We've done a grab the past several years that way everyone gets one significant gift instead of a bunch of small things.

I'm really excited because I bought my husband a kayak!  He's going to be very surprised.

My daughter is married with a child this year!  (Wow.  I'm too young to be a grandmother!!!  It's a ball though.)  She has her own tree and just loves it.  She said that she wants to have a tree like ours where most of the ornaments have some meaning behind them.  That made me smile.

She said it herself.  It's funny how when children grow up they finally understand the "why" behind so many things that you taught them or did.  So, those of you with young children, there is hope.  They really will get it one day.  : )

Tomorrow is another tradition.  My entire family gets together at a hall for a Christmas party.  We have a yankee swap, yummy food and Santa even comes with gifts for the young and the not-so-young!  I have a wonderful memory of my dad in his red sweater sitting on Santa's lap and laughing it up.  I miss him : (

Last weekend I went to my annual Christmas party with my  high school girlfriends.  What a blast!  We all consider ourselves blessed to have each other.

I'm off today to get the makings for the salad I'm bringing tomorrow and for the pie I make for Christmas day every year.  Yum!

Tonight I have a "class" of sorts.  I am a mosaic "artist", if you will, and I'm getting together with others to make something for my mother in law.  Fun!

I hope that you're all enjoying the season.  Merry Christmas!

Jackass Quote...I love it!

I just had to steal this from Brene Brown's Ordinary Courage blog.



"Don't try to win over the haters. You're not the jackass whisperer."
-- Scott Stratten, author of Unmarketing: Stop Marketing. Start Engaging.

Refudiate? Really?

On Nov. 21st  Karen Maezen Miller at Cheerio Road (http://www.karenmaezenmiller.com/) said,
"A couple of weeks ago the sucky New Oxford American Dictionary named Sarah Palin’s twitter flub refudiate their word of the year." 

Huh?  Are you kidding?  It's not a new word people, it's a mispronounced word!

Karen went on to say that "The dictionary folks are just trying to sell more dictionaries, even as they undermine the relevance of dictionaries."  That's what it's all about these days, it seems.  Money, money, money!  Never mind if it makes sense, is ethical or even beneficial, if it makes "us" money let's do it!

She then went on to make list of the words that she wouldn't mind never hearing again.  This is part of her list:

connectivity  crowdsourcing   earmark   eyeroll   fail   grizzly   hashtag   hater   influencer   kanye   kardashian   launch  manifesto   mashup   meh   optimization   palin   platform  rogue   silo  smackdown  socialist   sucky  summit   tea   trending   transparency  viral  zenlike

I can't think of any words other than most of the “words” in the, I guess you would say,  “hip hop” world.

the schniz
booty
booty call
“word”
gangsta
the hood
my crib
s’up?

and so on!

I understand that new words come along every once in a while and are added to the dictionary (like floppy disk, cd rom, etc.)  These words are new words with their own meaning and areneeded, useful and relevant to our changing world.  Therefore it is necessary to add them to the dictionary.

Words that are morphed from other words, mispronounced or made up really have no place in an official dictionary.

Do you agree or disagree?  Let me know!

It's All About Taking in the Flag

This morning I woke with a profound sense of gratitude.

It began last night.  I was home taking a break from helping my daughter with her newborn, my first grandchild.  I've basically been living there for five weeks now and I am exhausted.  I got my husband to take duty this weekend, (dd has PPD and therefore needs help when her husband's at work).

I'm the type of person who needs her alone time, daily.  So, to be home alone last night was delectable.  When I let the dogs out front I saw that our flag was still out past sunset.  My father was a very proud Marine and taught me two important things about the American flag.  Don't ever let it touch the ground and always take it in before sundown.  I have no problem with the first one, but  often times forget to take it in before it gets dark.  Last night being one of those nights.

It was a beautiful night.  The sky was dark and full of stars.  There was a stillness in the air.  Sato and Leo, my dogs, were enjoying the crisp, night air and the crunch of the fallen leaves.  I decided to slow down and be present in the moment.  It may sound a little odd, but I really enjoyed taking the flag in last night.  It wasn't just a chore this time. 

No, last night it held great meaning for me.  My heart swelled as I thought of my father and the love he had for our country and it's flag.  The sacrifices he made for our freedom and those he made for our family.  I felt both full and empty at the same time.  I miss my dad. 

The act of taking in the flag also reminded me of how blessed I am.  I live in a great country.  I own my own home and am blessed with a beautiful family and two dogs.  I watched a line of cars pass as they made their way home from the city.  I thought of how blessed and priviledged I was to be able be home performing the minor task of taking in the flag.

Semper Fi  Dad. Thank you and all of the men and women who have served or are currently serving to keep this country free.  I am blessed beyond measure.

I opened myself up to someone...trusted them...and lo and behold I've had my heart crushed.

I guess you can't live a full life without giving of yourself, but man does it hurt sometimes. 

So many times in my life I have let myself be me and in turn been hurt.  Maybe that's why I've been depressed for 20 years.  I stopped being myself and have been trying to be who I think I'm "supposed" to be.

Already Gone

Remember all the things, we wanted
Now all our memories, They're haunted
We were always meant to say good-bye
Even with our fist held high, yeah
Never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now
I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
theres no moving on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
theres no moving on
So I'm already gone
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, Ooooo,
Oh
Already gone
Already gone
Already gone, Yeah

Remember all the things, we wanted
Now all our memories, They're haunted
We were always meant to say good-bye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
theres no moving on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone
I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone
Already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone...

What Have I Done?

I've just spent at least an hour fiddling with the look of my blog.  I'm not so sure I like it, but I'm tired of working on it.  I'm done for tonight!

I saw this on Carpe Diem and had to steal it.  I love it!

Hands-on Dads?

When I think back to how my father participated, (or not), in raising us, I give him the excuse that men back then thought that it was the woman's job to take care of the kids.  However, my husband tells me that his dad did participate.  So even back then there were fathers that shared in the raising of the children, other than being the disciplinarian.

My husband was a very hands-on dad when we were raising our children, twenty or so years ago!  He did everything from changing diapers, midnight feedings, cleaning up puke to reading stories, singing bed-time songs and playing with them.  So, when it comes to my son-in-law and the way he views his part in the parenting of my first grandchild, I get a little cranky.

Oh, he changes diapers and feeds the baby. But he acts like it's a duty, a job to be accomplished.  He says he's "taking care of the baby".  No, SIL, you are participating in the parenting of your child.  I told my daughter today that her husband should take the night feedings when he's off the next day.  She said "he doesn't like it".  What?  WTF?  I'm sorry sonny, but this is what you signed up for.  You're a father now.  No longer is it all about you and what you like, don't like or feel like doing.  Geez Louise!

Let me ask you, young mothers.  What's your take on this?  Is your husband a hands-on dad?  Does he look at taking care of your children as a duty or a blessing? 

I love my SIL and he loves my daughter tremendously.  He didn't have the most loving parents growing up, so I understand there were virtually no role models on how to love and care for his child.  But, he's an adult, he made this choice and he is the father now.  It's time to do for your son what your parents didn't do for you.  Break the cycle.  Participate.  Love him.  Care for him.  Be your wife's partner in raising him.

I'd love to hear what you think.  And, do you have any book suggestions on what it means to be a hands-on-dad?

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

I'm reading Brene Brown's awesome book, The Gifts of Imperfection, and knew that when I read this quote I had to post it.

"To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight-and never stop fighting."  by E.E. Cummings

It's absolutely crazy that we have to fight a lifelong battle to be who we were created to be.  What a messed up society.    It's easier to pretend to be what everyone else wants or expects you to be than to be who you really are.  Why is it so hard?  What are we afraid of?  I know, we're so worried about what others will think of us.  Maybe they'll think I'm a little nuts or maybe they'll think I'm some kind of weirdo, OR maybe they will admire you for your guts and maybe they'll find the courage to be themselves too?

Which brings me to my all time favorite quote:

• "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."         by Marianne Williamson

Asking for a Little Encouragement

This is so unlike me to ask for help but I know that I'm going to need it!

For the first time in a very long time I woke up this morning thinking positively about my day.  Each minute I have to monitor my thought process.  My mind so easily wanders back to it's normal, negative way of thinking. 

A therapist I went to  many years ago told me that your thoughts travel a familiar path in your brain and when you find them heading down that path you have to intentionally shift them, creating a new path.  The more you do it you will train your brain so that this becomes it's default pathway.
I believe there are two reasons for my waking up this way. 

1.  I have spent the last two weeks basically living at my daughter's apt. helping her with her new baby, my first grandson.  Just being away from the house and my unhealthy routine has been good.  And, of course, seeing my new little grandson everyday helped too!

2.  Reading the following blogs.

A Design So Vast
Heartwork
Life Through a Cracked Lens
Ordinary Courage
chookooloonks
Erica Staab

So, I'm asking for anyone who feels like it to encourage me in my minute by minute quest to staying positive today.  It's an uncomfortable feeling asking for help.  I'm proud of myself!
Thank you ladies!

Blessings,
Debbie

Change, Do, Feel

I've always talked about "midlife" as an opportunity, not a crisis.  Ironically, I now find myself in a crisis.   But really, they are the same thing aren't they?  Crisis brings opportunity.

This is my opportunity to allow myself to live authentically.  True to who I know that I am but have never really fully become.  Though difficult, it is exciting.

It is, and always has been, my thoughts that keep me from living a full life.  I need to take control of my thought life.  I need to intercept the negative and replace them with the positive.  It'll take practice.

My therapist and I talked about CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) the other day.  She said that first you have to change your thoughts, then you change what you do,  and then you will feel differently. 

This is helpful to me because I always think that I need to feel better before I "do" better.  Now I know that I have to work on changing my thought process and "do" what I know I want to do and then I will feel how I want to feel.  Am I making sense here? 

Here's an example.

I wake up in the morning and my first thoughts are about how my house isn't the way I want it to be and that I'm somehow flawed because I can't keep it the way I want and that I'll never be able to do it.

I would then deliberately change these thoughts.  Shift them to the positive.

The house doesn't look the way I want it to, but that's o.k.  It doesn't say anything about who I am.  I am not flawed because there is unfolded laundry in the living room and dishes in the sink.  Today I will  take steps to get things the way I would like them.    "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Phil. 4:13

Then, even if I don't feel like it or don't feel capable or whatever, I begin to straighten things out.  It's after the "doing" that the "feeling" comes.

Me? Write a Novel????

Ever since I can remember I've said that I wanted to write a book.  I took one creative writing course about a million years ago.  I haven't really ever completed writing anything.   Actually, the title of this blog is the title of a memoir I've thought of writing about my wonderful Nana.

Anyways, I've decided to try something crazy, especially for me.  I'm going to try and write a novel in a month!  Sounds nuts, right?  I agree.  The whole idea is to basically free-write.  No editing, nothing.  Just write.  You can read more about it at NaNoWriMo.

I'm pretty excited about this, but nervous too.  For someone who's never really written anything, to write about 1700 words a day is a daunting task.  Add to that that I'm not real good at follow-through on these types of things.  I'm really going to try.  Whatever I do accomplish will be awesome!

The "Digital Age"????? Phooey!

I am a lover of books, libraries and bookstores.  I love how a book feels in my hands and how the pages smell.  I love the smell of old books in the library and brand new books in the bookstore.  Once in a while you can find me hanging out in Barnes and Noble with a stack of books next to one of those comfy chairs.  I stay for hours!  hmmm....I haven't done that in a very long time.  I must go soon!

So, anyways, my husband bought a Kindle.  I get that they're cool.  I get the whole idea of saving the trees and stuff.  But, come on!  It's NOT a book!  We joke about this all the time.  He says I'm living in the dark ages.  He says I'm an old fart.  Well, I found this quote over on Kim's blog, Life through a Cracked Lens, and will be sure to show it to my husband who thinks he so "hip"!

"Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill. Without books, the development of civilization would have been impossible. They are engines of change, windows on the world and lighthouses erected in the sea of time. They are companions, teachers, magicians, bankers of the treasures of the mind." 

"Books are humanity in print. " 
— Barbara W. Tuchman
So, what do you think?  Which side do you weigh in on?  (I promise not to yell at you if you pick the wrong side!)

The Practice of Yoga

I took one yoga class, several years ago, at a local YMCA.  I loved it.  So, why did I never take another class?  I have no idea!  It really doesn't make any sense at all.

So, as I begin to create this part of my life, as I work at living like my authentic self, I think that I will try a yoga class again.  I love the spirituality of it , the focus, the intentionality, the love I give myself when I do it.

In my meanderings here in the blogosphere I came across Judith Hanson Lasater's blog about yoga.  She has been practicing yoga since 1971 and has written several books on the subject. 

I love this Tweet of hers from Oct. 9th:

To practice is 2 remember the Self; to remember the Self is 2 know God;

2 know God is to be free; 2 be free is to remember the Self. Jai!

I am really looking forward to learning from her and beginning my practice.  Just the thought of it brings me PEACE.

Meet My Beautiful Grandson!

My first grandchild:

I think he's pretty close to being perfect!  I am his Nana after all!

Ever since I took my Perfect Protest pictue I've been wanting to change it.  Am I obsessing over it and wanting it to be perfect?  Probably.  I also want to tell why it is the way it is, but I'm resisting that.  The picture is just fine the way it is.  It's honest and true.

Each day I check out Brene Brown's Bog, Ordinary Courage.  From there I hopped on over to Gene Smith's blog this morning and just love what he says here!  I believe that the first sentence is something his Zen teacher said. 

Who you are right now is more magnificent than anything you could imagine turning yourself into.

Don’t wait another moment for someone to rescue you. You have the power. Turn your life on!

I am going to repeat this over and over to myself today.  I want to believe it.  I do believe it.

Perfection is for the Birds!

Although I don't think that they're capable of it either! 

I joined the Perfect Protest over on Brene Brown's blog Ordinary Courage. You should check it out.

 Perfection is something that can never be achieved.  So why do so many of us try to be perfect?  Do you know anyone that's attained perfection?  Me neither.  It's impossible.  So let's stop trying.  I know that I'm tired of failing at being perfect or doing things perfectly.  It's exhausting and demoralizing.

I berate myself for not being able to keep a perfectly clean and organized home.  I think I'm a bad mother and wife because I don't like to cook and rarely have a meal planned.  I'm overweight.  I have depression.  I don't have a lot of energy.  Blah Blah Blah.  There's more, but I won't go on.

None of those things say anything about who I am.  However, these things do say something about me:

I am a follower of Christ
I an an encourager
I am caring and compassionate
I read non-fiction
I let my hair go to it's natural gray at the age of 40
Family is incredibly important to me
I am selfless (most of the time)
I cannot tell a lie

As of this moment, I am going to concentrate on my good qualities.  I'm going to "ixnay" expecting myself to be perfect.  I will live in the moment and be gentle with myself.  I will stop comparing myself to others.

I am on a mission to let myself be me.  What I do and even how I dress will soon match the me on the inside.  I'm excited.  I'm scared.  I am determined.

My Baby had a Baby!

"It's so hard", she said. " First you go through nine months of an uncomfortable pregnancy, then 24 hours of really hard labor and delivery and then you come home and have to learn how to nurse and take care of a brand new baby when you are exhausted!"

I told her that I remember how hard it is and that she and her husband will get through it and the baby will be fine!  But daughter's don't always listen to their mothers.

On October 8, 2010 my baby gave birth to her gorgeous son.  I can't even explain how it feels to be a Nana.  What a miracle!

I've had the priviledge of staying with my daughter, her husband and the baby for a few days to help out.  They generally utilize me in the middle of the night when my poor daughter is totally stressed out, the baby is crying, and spitting up what he just drank.  The other night I finally convinced her to let me feed him a bottle so that she could get some rest.

The baby had his first appointment with the doctor and is doing very well.  He's almost back to his birth wieght and is getting the hang of nursing.  My daughter and her husband are very relieved.  Of course, I told them that he was fine, but they needed to hear it from a professional.

I understand.  22 years ago when my daughter was born I wouldn't let my mother tell me anything, let alone help.  Darn pride!

The Best Laid Plans...

Back in January 2010 I received some news that was shocking, difficult and happy at the same time.  Hearing this news caused an instant paradigm shift for me.  Everything felt and feels different to me now.  I am questioning all that I thought that I knew about my life and the plans that I had for it.  I am devastated.  In the past 3 months I have behaved like someone other than myself.  I betrayed myself and others.  I'm at a loss.

All that I know to do is to put one foot in front of the other.  No longer is living authentically an option.  If I am to go on living, I have to be me.

I will keep my chin up.  I will believe in myself and trust the plan that God has for my life.

So, the posts here will mostly be about my journey to living authentically.  However, I will also go off in other directions like photography, family, books I'm reading , etc.

I hope that you will enjoy your time here.

Many Blessings,
Debbie